Special Needs Mamas are welcome here.
To the Mama Chosen for Special Motherhood
You can be yourself here.
I know special mamas do not leave their homes because of their child's flight risks, limited mobility, or the caravan of medical gear required to navigate the public. When I became a special needs mama, I also fought the temptation to stay home. I didn't want to invite the world into my crazy life. But when the seasons turned into years of isolation, I learned to let go of appearance, people-pleasing, and other people's approval. I learned to be different in public spaces. Over time, I learned ways to survive in public spaces and even travel around the world. You can survive and even thrive in public places. God has chosen you to be front and center because He loves you.
Your friend,
Rachelle
How do you survive public spaces with special needs children? First, wear your hair in a ponytail unless you want your kid's finger painted goop into your hair (I care about your hair). And then put on your tunnel glasses- the kind that allow you to block out your peripheral vision. Because yes, there will be people looking at your family exhibit (without tickets) so put on your tunnel-vision glasses. Look at your beautiful kiddo and then let everyone else fade into the background. Is your child happy with all of the stimming? If so, you're winning. Is your child running away with pure joy? Then you've accomplished what every parent wishes for their child. Is your kid taking a tantrum break in the middle of the street? (Take your glasses off for this one, pay attention to honking horns!)
Stuck in LaGuardia Airport And Dancing Anyways!
How do you survive public spaces with special needs children? First, wear your hair in a ponytail unless you want your kid's finger painted goop into your hair (I care about your hair). And then put on your tunnel glasses- the kind that allow you to block out your peripheral vision. Because yes, there will be people looking at your family exhibit (without tickets) so put on your tunnel-vision glasses. Look at your beautiful kiddo and then let everyone else fade into the background. Is your child happy with all of the stimming? If so, you're winning. Is your child running away with pure joy? Then you've accomplished what every parent wishes for their child. Is your kid taking a tantrum break in the middle of the street? (Take your glasses off for this one, pay attention to honking horns!)
Stuck in LaGuardia Airport And Dancing Anyways!
Next, learn to surf. Ride the wave. Don't be afraid of the waves that knock you down. If you learn how to swim after you're knocked off your surfboard, you can go anywhere. Wipeouts are normal. They just occur more often for our families in public and of course at the most inopportune times.
When you care too much about what other people think, you will never leave the house. But if you can be okay with not fitting in, you will feel less self-conscious with wipeouts. Can you wipeout gracefully to get back on your board?
There is freedom in the public wipeout.
If you don't take yourself too seriously, you may even find a wipeout to be humorous (maybe not until much later).
Public Wipe-out in NY Times Square - and I have the concussion to prove it!
Resilience gets easier the longer you live the special needs life. Wear the rain jacket that helps you be resilient from the mishaps and detours. Even when it rains drool/blowouts, let the rain jacket keep you dry.
Your rain jacket are the essential truths that you believe about yourself, this life, and what truly matters.
For me, my rain jacket is my faith. God provides. My hope is in Jesus to restore my child someday forever and ever. This raincoat gives me confidence to flick off the droplets.
But what happens when the actual weather is different than the forecast? Sometimes it rains when we don't expect it, and we've left our raincoats at home. Just like the unexpected triggers of grief that penetrate an unsuspecting vulnerable soul. Sometimes the most jarring triggers are the ones we haven't prepared for.
So always pack a poncho and a towel. And if you find yourself in an unexpected rainshower, find the towels. Towels are the friends that wipe you off after a meltdown (your own meltdown to be clear). Towels are the colleagues who take your extra shift because you can't. Towels are the family that choose to pursue you even when you're irritable and frustrated. Towels are the church members who sit with your child at service so you can be filled. If you have "towel" relationships, you are blessed.
If you're still soaked, sometimes the raindrops are your own tears. It's okay to take the time to grieve. Sometimes you need to get drenched completely before you become water-resistant. You will be able to bounce back from grief as your resilience grows.
Resilience will become easier as your values change. But until then, wear a rain jacket and bring a towel!
Caught in the Rain at Tokyo Disneyland
If you're going to flop in public, don't choose flip flops. Instead, wear shoes that you can run after your flight risk. There are so many great slip on shoes that allow you to sprint and never worry about an untied shoelace (allbirds, rothys, and vessi). All the while looking fly and chic. Heels add to the podiatry bill. Done with the bunions!
"Shoe-fie" at Cape Cod (A good distraction from the child eating sand behind me)
For all of you who are familiar with ABA (applied behavior analytics), it's time to use ABA on yourself. In other words, humans learn certain behaviors by positive reinforcement. Reward yourself one step at a time during public outings. Did you get into the car after a messy transition? Play your favorite song. Did you get into the grocery store without losing a child? Break open a chocolate bar (secretly). Did you make it home? Time for a goofy octopus dance. As you "reward yourself" with each step of your outing, your mind learns to see public spaces as pleasurable rather than anxiety-provoking. You become more brave enough to get on an airplane!
Acting out Bruce Bogtrotter from "Matilda" because everyone needs a chocolate beard!
And lastly, if you're going to be the spectacle, might as well make it a good show. The world needs your family to be a part of it. They need to know what it looks like to not be held down by social convention. They need to see sacrificial love and unconditional love. They need someone to admire. They need to know your child has value. You never know what and whom you inspire when you veer out of your comfort zone.
Our world has enough conformity.
It's time for our families to set the bar.
Let your frazzle dazzle.
Your hair looks good, my friend.
So take the stage. A standing ovation awaits.
Biking in Chicago - Never mind getting stuck inside the bike and causing a whole scene!
Resilience gets easier the longer you live the special needs life. Wear the rain jacket that helps you be resilient from the mishaps and detours. Even when it rains drool/blowouts, let the rain jacket keep you dry.
Your rain jacket are the essential truths that you believe about yourself, this life, and what truly matters.
For me, my rain jacket is my faith. God provides. My hope is in Jesus to restore my child someday forever and ever. This raincoat gives me confidence to flick off the droplets.
But what happens when the actual weather is different than the forecast? Sometimes it rains when we don't expect it, and we've left our raincoats at home. Just like the unexpected triggers of grief that penetrate an unsuspecting vulnerable soul. Sometimes the most jarring triggers are the ones we haven't prepared for.
So always pack a poncho and a towel. And if you find yourself in an unexpected rainshower, find the towels. Towels are the friends that wipe you off after a meltdown (your own meltdown to be clear). Towels are the colleagues who take your extra shift because you can't. Towels are the family that choose to pursue you even when you're irritable and frustrated. Towels are the church members who sit with your child at service so you can be filled. If you have "towel" relationships, you are blessed.
If you're still soaked, sometimes the raindrops are your own tears. It's okay to take the time to grieve. Sometimes you need to get drenched completely before you become water-resistant. You will be able to bounce back from grief as your resilience grows.
Resilience will become easier as your values change. But until then, wear a rain jacket and bring a towel!
Caught in the Rain at Tokyo Disneyland
Resilience gets easier the longer you live the special needs life. Wear the rain jacket that helps you be resilient from the mishaps and detours. Even when it rains drool/blowouts, let the rain jacket keep you dry.
Your rain jacket are the essential truths that you believe about yourself, this life, and what truly matters.
For me, my rain jacket is my faith. God provides. My hope is in Jesus to restore my child someday forever and ever. This raincoat gives me confidence to flick off the droplets.
But what happens when the actual weather is different than the forecast? Sometimes it rains when we don't expect it, and we've left our raincoats at home. Just like the unexpected triggers of grief that penetrate an unsuspecting vulnerable soul. Sometimes the most jarring triggers are the ones we haven't prepared for.
So always pack a poncho and a towel. And if you find yourself in an unexpected rainshower, find the towels. Towels are the friends that wipe you off after a meltdown (your own meltdown to be clear). Towels are the colleagues who take your extra shift because you can't. Towels are the family that choose to pursue you even when you're irritable and frustrated. Towels are the church members who sit with your child at service so you can be filled. If you have "towel" relationships, you are blessed.
If you're still soaked, sometimes the raindrops are your own tears. It's okay to take the time to grieve. Sometimes you need to get drenched completely before you become water-resistant. You will be able to bounce back from grief as your resilience grows.
Resilience will become easier as your values change. But until then, wear a rain jacket and bring a towel!
Caught in the Rain at Tokyo Disneyland
If you're going to flop in public, don't choose flip flops. Instead, wear shoes that you can run after your flight risk. There are so many great slip on shoes that allow you to sprint and never worry about an untied shoelace (allbirds, rothys, and vessi). All the while looking fly and chic. Heels add to the podiatry bill. Done with the bunions!
"Shoe-fie" at Cape Cod (A good distraction from the child eating sand behind me)
For all of you who are familiar with ABA (applied behavior analytics), it's time to use ABA on yourself. In other words, humans learn certain behaviors by positive reinforcement. Reward yourself one step at a time during public outings. Did you get into the car after a messy transition? Play your favorite song. Did you get into the grocery store without losing a child? Break open a chocolate bar (secretly). Did you make it home? Time for a goofy octopus dance. As you "reward yourself" with each step of your outing, your mind learns to see public spaces as pleasurable rather than anxiety-provoking. You become more brave enough to get on an airplane!
Acting out Bruce Bogtrotter from "Matilda" because everyone needs a chocolate beard!
And lastly, if you're going to be the spectacle, might as well make it a good show. The world needs your family to be a part of it. They need to know what it looks like to not be held down by social convention. They need to see sacrificial love and unconditional love. They need someone to admire. They need to know your child has value. You never know what and whom you inspire when you veer out of your comfort zone.
Our world has enough conformity.
It's time for our families to set the bar.
Let your frazzle dazzle.
Your hair looks good, my friend.
So take the stage. A standing ovation awaits.
Biking in Chicago - Never mind getting stuck inside the bike and causing a whole scene!
Next, learn to surf. Ride the wave. Don't be afraid of the waves that knock you down. If you learn how to swim after you're knocked off your surfboard, you can go anywhere. Wipeouts are normal. They just occur more often for our families in public and of course at the most inopportune times.
When you care too much about what other people think, you will never leave the house. But if you can be okay with not fitting in, you will feel less self-conscious with wipeouts. Can you wipeout gracefully to get back on your board?
There is freedom in the public wipeout.
If you don't take yourself too seriously, you may even find a wipeout to be humorous (maybe not until much later).
Public Wipe-out in NY Times Square - and I have the concussion to prove it!
If you're going to flop in public, don't choose flip flops. Instead, wear shoes that you can run after your flight risk. There are so many great slip on shoes that allow you to sprint and never worry about an untied shoelace (allbirds, rothys, and vessi). All the while looking fly and chic. Heels add to the podiatry bill. Done with the bunions!
"Shoe-fie" at Cape Cod (A good distraction from the child eating sand behind me)
© 2023 por Rachelle Keng.
